Important Life Lessons I've Learned Over 60 Years
- Amy Leggett
- Jun 13
- 13 min read
Updated: Jun 22
I turned 60 last September. Sixty. The big 6-0. Wow...I remember when 60 sounded ancient. It was the age of grandparents, the ones with hard candy in their purses and stories that began with "Back in my day...". But here I am, 60 years into this life, and surprisingly I don't feel ancient (at least on most days). My mind still feels like I'm in my 30s, until I look in the mirror and a more seasoned face is looking back at me.
While there are some difficulties that come with aging, the one thing I love about getting older is I feel like I am definitely getting wiser. Over the past 60 years of trials and tribulations, lessons were learned and wisdom was gained. Some lessons were painful, others just inconvienent, but all resulted in growth and self-reflection.
The ups and downs of 60 years have led me to some core principles that I TRY to live by for a more peaceful and happy life. I have by no means mastered the ability to live by these principles 100% of the time, but they provide the guidelines and boundaries for my approach to life. When I find myself veering from these principles I can always tell because I feel less happy, less peaceful. At this point in my life, time is too precious to waste too much of it being upset or stressed.
I am sharing these thoughts in the event the wisdom gained from my 60 years may be helpful to anyone else, but also to remind myself of how I want to live the rest of my life.
Ride the Waves
The only constant in life is change.
One thing that becomes abuntantly clear as the years go by is that things are always changing and evolving. I used to get so frustrated when something happened that wasn't what I planned (as if I could control the whole universe with my plans). Such disruptions would cause me to stress out and get angry and subject those around me to my frustrations (probably not too enjoyable). Getting into that mental state was usually not helpful to resolve the issue or figure out an alternative plan. It led to a constant pendulum of emotions as we all know that life does not generally run smoothly and annoyances (large or small) impact us everyday. .
Accepting that a situation, whether good or bad, is temporary and will not stay the same is an important life lesson. It helps with resilience in getting through a tough period because I realize that 'this too shall pass'. It helps with living in the present because if I am in a good period I know I need to appreciate it and enjoy it because 'this too shall pass'. Learning to adapt to change, both in the way I perceive it and the way I react to it, has lead to growth, resilience and new opportunities. Change has often been the catalyst for personal or professional growth that has occurred in my life.
I compare adjusting and adapting to the ups and downs in life to being in the ocean on a boogie board. You paddle out into the water, which can take effort. You find a spot where the water is calm and you hang out there for a bit. As the waves roll in, you just hang on to your board and let it roll by as it lifts you up and then delivers you back down. Then along comes an epic wave that picks you up and takes you on an exhilirating ride toward the shore. You just enjoy the experience, laughing as you ride it as far as you can. Then it is over as quickly as it began and the wave drops you off on the shore as it rolls back out to sea and you paddle back out and wait for the next epic wave.
I can see this wave action when I look back over the various stages and periods I have experienced in my life. There were the hard paddling times, the calm almost boring times where life was just uneventfully moving forward, the waves that rolled over me that I just had to ride out, and those amazing epic waves that came with life accomplishments and adventures. Every part of the wave is important in creating the whole experience.
Keep Your Balance
The key to keeping your balance is knowing when you've lost it. -Anonymous
In keeping with the boogie board theme, the next life lesson I have learned over my 60 years is that finding balance is very important. If you are on a boogie board or a surf board and you are not perfectly balanced on the board, you will fall off and miss riding that epic wave. In my life, achieving balance in all things is the ultimate goal.
I have always been good at keeping my work life and personal life balanced. I learned this from my father who always stated he worked to live, not lived to work. My dad worked hard when he was at work, but made sure to be home for dinner every night and used his weekends to ski, ride his dirt bike or his bicycle. I found a way to practice law that allowed me to be around for my girls and attend all of their athletic activities. Could I have worked harder and went further in my career? Sure, but I found a balance between my professional career and my home life that allowed me to be proud of my accomplishments in both.
I use this approach in other areas of my life as well. Going out or staying home, working out or resting, eating and drinking, the principle always applies. Balance (or you could say moderation) in all things helps me to enjoy things, but not to the exclusion of other things.
It is very apparent when I have lost balance because I feel tired, I feel stressed, I feel generally unwell. It is a sign that I need to make adjustments to my choices to regain the balance that brings me peace.
Be Curious
I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious. -Albert Einstein
Over the years I've learned the importance of being curious. Being curious helps to stay knowledgable and understand the world around me. By asking questions I engage more deeply which makes learning an ongoing process rather than a finite experience. By remaining curious, I constantly challenge my own perspectives and try to expand my world view. Curiosity also improves creativity. Looking at a situation from multiple angles allows me to consider innovative approaches to resolve an issue (or maybe realize it's not a problem at all!).
Curiosity is also helpful to keep the mind sharp. Making myself learn new things (you really can teach an old dog new tricks), keeps the neuro pathways working and hopefully will ward off mental decline as I age. Learning how to create this blog and keep it growing; starting a new job at a jewelry store learning about gemstones, metals and designers; and learning how to play pickleball (especially how to keep score!) have all kept me on my toes as I keep racking up the years. I also watch documentaries on a wide range of topics. Some that I watch are VERY random, but I always learn something new. It is now a joke among my friends and family that I often start a sentence with "I was watching a documentary about *fill in the blank".
But perhaps most important, being curious has improved my relationships. Instead of jumping to conclusions or digging into my position, I try to ask more questions and genuinely seek to understand others’ perspectives. I have discovered that when I take the time to be curious it results in deeper connections. It also encourages better conversations which often lead to mutual understanding. Being curious allows me to appreciate diverse viewpoints, even if I may not completely agree. Being curious definitely makes life much more interesting!
Keep Your Sense of Humor
A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles - Mignon McLaughlin
Stress is inevitable...whether its a bad day at work, a disagreement with a friend or partner, or simply being stuck in traffic after a long day when you just want to get home. But if you can somehow learn to find the humor in some of these every day complications, it makes things a lot easier. One thing my ex-husband was very good at during our marriage, was getting me to laugh when my stress or anger started to bubble up. It is amazing how quickly difficult emotions diffuse once I give into giggling or divert my attention to something amusing. Not that I am not still frustrated or annoyed, but the laughter takes the emotion level down a few notches so things are easier to deal with.
Sometimes the only difference between a crisis and a funny story is time AND the ability to laugh at myself. Once I can zoom out and see that the thing I am stressing over really isn't that big of a deal or is only temporary, it doesn't loom so large. Putting it in perspective usually makes me realize how dramatic I am being and I can make fun of myself for overreacting. So often stories from my past that were so stressful or embarrassing at the time are hilarious (or at least entertaining) now. Laughing at my flaws and screw ups makes life seem less like a challenge and more like a fun-filled adventure. Being able to get back up, maybe a bit bruised and still limping, but with a smile on my face is an act of quiet defiance against the chaos. When I can find something to laugh about, even in my hardest moments, I feel like I regain a little bit of control.
Trust Your Gut
Follow your instincts. That's where true wisdom manifests itself. - Oprah Winfrey
As I look back on my life and the twists and turns that make up my journey, I can see the importance of trusting my gut instincts. This applies to both positive and negative instincts. It's that quiet voice in my head, often uninvited but always persistent, that says "Something's off" or "This is the right move". It doesn't always speak in words...sometimes it is a tightness in my throat or my chest or a feeling of calm that washes over me when I make a decision. Regardless, I have learned that my gut is powerful and its instincts are rooted in my lived experiences, observations, memories and even deeply buried emotions.
Some of the biggest changes in my life have followed an instinct that has led me to major decisions. Strong feelings led me to move to San Diego with friends, apply to law school, move to the East Coast from Colorado, relocate to Saratoga Springs and buy/build a house. When I leaned into these inklings, everything else fell into place relatively easilydes. I never questioned decisions based on my gut instincts and have never regretted them. In fact, they were literally some of the best decisions in my life even though they might have seemed crazy to others at the time.
I also learned to trust those gut instincts when they are giving me a clear warning signal of what to avoid. When I feel uneasy about a situation, a person or a vibe, I no longer ignore it. I have learned over the years that experience has allowed me to recognize those red flags waving in the background. I understand that I need to honor my peace and remove myself. My gut is my inner compass signaling that I am not moving in a direction that is true to me. Trusting my instincts isn't just about avoiding danger, but about staying in alignment with myself.
Trusting these instincts doesn't mean my gut is always right (but it does have a pretty good track record!), but it does mean it deserves to be heard. People haven't always understood some of my crazier instincts and sometimes question my choices. They may ask for explanations that I can't exactly give. Sometimes "I just know" is enough for me.
Intention Matters
Intentional living is about living your best story. - John C. Maxwell
As we go through life, it pulls us in a thousand different directions. Between working, raising a family, doing all the things to stay healthy and active, day to day responsibilities, trying to stay in touch with friends and extended family...the list goes on...we can lose focus on how we want to live our life and just go on autopilot getting through each day. I often compare it to that circus trick where the circus performer has a bunch of plates spinning on poles. He gets them all going and as soon as he gets to the last one, others are starting to wobble. As he turns his attention to the wobbling plate and gets it going again, the other plates he wasn't focusing on begin to wobble. It is a never ending task and there is never time to pause to enjoy the accomplishment of getting all the plates spinning, it's just about frantically running from plate to plate to keep them all going.
When living this way, life becomes more reactive than reflective. We are doing what we HAVE to do instead of what we necessarily WANT to do. Obviously when you are in the thick of your career and raising kids, this is sometimes just what is required. However, we get so used to living like this, we continue on this path even when things slow down. Unfortunately for me, once things slowed down I was left with a broken marriage, an autoimmune disease, and a lay off from my job despite all my years of hard work.
After I picked myself up and brushed myself off (with a smile on my face per my advice above), I realized I needed to be more intentional about my life. I needed to not just go through the motions, but know why I'm doing what I'm doing. Whether deciding how to spend my time, who I choose to spend time with, what things I give my energy to, I needed intention to add purpose to every choice. Not everything deserves my attention, not every invitation is meant for me. I have learned to say no to things that don't align with my intentions for what I want in my life and say yes with full intention to things things that will add value to my life or support those things that are important to me.
Living with intention doesn't guarantee a perfect life, but it helps me live a conscious one. I make decisions based on what feels true to me. That generally leads to less regret. I still stumble or occasionally make a decision that I am eventually unhappy with, but I know I chose deliberately and not by default. I try to make sure my choices are guided by questions like "What kind of person do I want to be?" or "What kind of life do I want to create?". These guidelines help me make thoughtful choices that lead me closer to the vision I have for my life journey.
Stay In Your Lane
Once you create your own lane, there's no traffic. - Pitbull
One thing I have learned in 60 years of living is that it is exhausting trying to control everyone and everythng around you. In all honesty, I am a control freak at heart and used to spend a lot of time thinking about what everyone else was doing and inserting my opinion about what I thought was the best plan of action. I came to realize that what I really wanted to do was control my own environment and how I was impacted by others' choices. I wanted to maintain my peace.
The beauty of that realization is that I can control my own environment! I just can't do it by trying to control others and what they were doing. I can only do it by making choices for myself that are in alignment with my values and reacting to others' actions by making my own choices in response. Worrying about what everyone else is doing is draining and leaves less energy to focus on my own life. Obviously, when my children were younger it was my job to worry about what they were doing and guide them in their decisions as they grew up and learned to be an adult. But even with my children, since they are now adults it is no longer my job (or my right) to dictate what they should or should not be doing in their life. Every person is on their own journey and they are the captain of their own ship. All I need to do is focus on MY journey and MY growth...essentially STAY IN MY OWN LANE.
When I stay in my own lane and quit worrying about what others are doing (and whether they are doing it the way I would), my world gets peaceful and quiet. My mind isn't filled with thoughts about what I wish someone else would do or what actions I think they should take. That is not my business. It is essentially the "Let Them" theory that Mel Robbins talks about. I let the people in my life direct their journey to have the experiences they want to have. For example, I was sad when my oldest daughter, Madison, decided to move far away from me to go back to Colorado (where she was born and where my family still lives). But that is a life experience SHE wants to have and I don't get a vote. Just like my parents didn't try to control my decisions when I moved away from Colorado to San Diego and then moved away again years later to New York (this time with their grandchildren in tow). I know they were sad about the distance, but I was given the freedom to take my life where I wanted to. I want to give my children that same gift
This practice is not as easy as it seems. It is so easy to jump in when someone is talking and start giving advice (even if it wasn't asked for) because I know what I would do if I was in the same situation. But realizing we are different people, with different priorities, different personalities, different history, and different intentions for our life journeys makes it easier to take a step back and just listen. Sometimes people just want a sounding board as they figure out what they want to do on their own. It is actually a relief to understand that you don't have to solve their problem, you just have to be there for them.
Staying in your own lane is addictive once you get used to it! It takes the weight of the world off your shoulders when you realize you don't have to carry the weight of the world!
Conclusion
As I said, I am still practicing following these lessons that I have learned. Habits developed over 60 years die hard. But when I do follow these principles, I find my life flows easier, it is more peaceful and I am a generally happier person. I am sure the years ahead will give me even more wisdom as I try to age gracefully. Instead of being sad about my loss of youth, I am trying to appreciate the lessons learned, the memories made and the adventures along the way.
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